She will be at all the graduations, holidays, birthdays etc. There will also be less money for the new woman, as divorced dad is supporting his first family, insurance, cars, college, vacations, grandkids…. If you cannot accept that and you choose to stay in the relationship, then you will end up continually frustrated, bitter, angry and resentful, which isn’t healthy for you or for the relationship or the kids. What I want to ask her is, “Should the divorced dad stop supporting his kids so that he can give you money? Then, you can look forward to repeating all of that with grandkids- theirs (not mine) wry smile. If she wants kids, then why is she even with this guy? So, she’s feeling jealous that she isn’t a blood relative? Maybe she got dirty looks from the kids because of her greedy attitude. I don’t want anything from my boyfriend except for his love. What I see from both of these women is a sense of entitlement and it sort of makes me sick. And if you expect more—like money or for him to cut off ties with his ex, or for him to put you before the kids, then honestly, you are clueless and you need to get a grip.
Furthermore, if a divorced dad (or mom) doesn’t put the kids first, than I wouldn’t even have enough respect for that person to even date them! Doesn’t she have any empathy that the ex-wife wants to see her children graduate and see them at holidays? Before you think I’m being judgmental, I will say that my boyfriend is a divorced dad and financially, I want nothing from him.
The Bottom Line: dating someone recently divorced means potential for unresolved issues, especially if it’s been less than a year.
Just like any relationship, it’s more likely to work out if you both want, need, and desire the same things, and share the same relationship priorities.
Until the divorce is finalised, we’ve decided it’s best that they don’t know about me, but I long for the day when I can attend his daughter’s assembly or his son’s football match – to share our lives with each other completely.
It may not be typical to chat about having a baby on the third date, but that topic came up earlier for us – I can’t afford to waste time.
For my part, I have to accept that his ex will always be part of his life.
You will always come second to his children; they will always be his priority.
In the beginning, I would make plans for us, only for them to be cancelled at the last minute because he unexpectedly had to have the children.
For most people, dating someone with kids is disappointing and frustrating at times. I applaud divorced dads (and moms) and the people who date them, because it really truly isn’t easy, and you have to be unselfish.
That said, there are some people who date divorced dads who just don’t get it. Awhile ago, I wrote a blog post called Are Divorced Guys A Turnoff To women? In that post, I wrote this quote: “Who one woman gives up could be another woman’s love of her life.” A reader then commented about it: This might be impossible, especially if the couple had children, they are always ‘first, forever’. I got nothing (except dirty looks from ex/kids), they all have legal/blood ties together, so I didn’t want to move in with a family to pay 1/2 the mortgage to be an outsider, permanently. That doesn’t diminish our love for each other, it just is the natural order of the priorities of being a parent.