I think I would be anxious too.” Don’t stop there, though.
Find out why it makes sense that your partner feels the way he does based on his life experience, especially his relationships with his parents as a child. When I didn’t call, you felt alone and abandoned, just like you did when your Mom used to work such long hours when you were young?
Your feelings are important to me, and it’s okay that you feel that way.” Everyone has a different subjective experience, and partners in distress experience painful emotions for all sorts of reasons.
What’s hurtful to one partner may not be to another.
You are not confirming that the contents in the package are in good shape.
You are not confirming that the contents are what you ordered. Likewise, validation is confirming that the other person has specific feelings.
Establishing these basic connections lays the foundation for emotional safety.
“I know you’re anxious that I was late and didn’t call. Couples are drawn to one another because they want to resolve important emotional issues from childhood without realizing it, and couple relationships have a way of evoking very familiar and very painful feelings.Although you may not feel hurt, your partner’s pain is very real to him. ” Validating your partner is not the same as agreeing with her.Validation is all about recognizing your partner’s feelings and valuing them as a part of his subjective experience. Your partner’s perspective and emotions regarding the issue at hand will differ from yours, and that’s a good thing.If you’re the recipient of invalidating messages, know this: YOU’RE NOT CRAZY! Validating one’s partner is an artful skill that is essential to creating and maintaining intimacy in committed relationships.